i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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