I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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