So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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