i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
