Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize