I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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