Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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