so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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