Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
