OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
