Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
