I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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