i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
