I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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