did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
