All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
