i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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