Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
