I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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