Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
