so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're like the curious george of whores
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
