why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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