I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
