I should be sponsored by Trojan
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need water and some morals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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