I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
