ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
