Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  We've been saying that since '98

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  (917): I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out (1-917): We've been saying that since '98 http://tfl.nu/9f56
  Replies (6) Good night (1256) Bad night (440)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them

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  (630): Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them http://tfl.nu/urf6
  Replies (55) Good night (3693) Bad night (475)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin

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  (915): What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin http://tfl.nu/xzqi
  Replies (52) Good night (881) Bad night (3289)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.

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  (647): Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch. http://tfl.nu/v8v7
  Replies (7) Good night (4606) Bad night (1110)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

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  (307): Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor. http://tfl.nu/j4rc
  Replies (17) Good night (6302) Bad night (1007)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.

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  (410): Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo (410): Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman. http://tfl.nu/b3bx
  Replies (2) Good night (1422) Bad night (934)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams

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  (774): This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams http://tfl.nu/o9iv
  Replies (5) Good night (1226) Bad night (737)
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  (818): View more from California

  I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol

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  (818): I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol http://tfl.nu/sihy
  Replies (6) Good night (1314) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend

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  (+44): gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend http://tfl.nu/upf3
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.

  (845): View more from New York

  I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"

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  (845): I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home. (845): I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip" http://tfl.nu/e0kb
  Replies (7) Good night (1872) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever

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  (631): I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever http://tfl.nu/7j84
  Replies (22) Good night (3192) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?

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  (314): Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him? http://tfl.nu/mvm1
  Replies (12) Good night (517) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.

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  (716): it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality. http://tfl.nu/d5wl
  Replies (7) Good night (804) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.

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  (904): I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE. http://tfl.nu/5ef6
  Replies (1) Good night (185) Bad night (466)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.

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  (540): The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it. http://tfl.nu/w84l
  Replies (0) Good night (358) Bad night (849)

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