After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.