Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.

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(310): Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask. http://tfl.nu/1jf3

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.

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(505): Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit. http://tfl.nu/y65n

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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(321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

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(612): Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks. http://tfl.nu/s0b7

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero

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(859): Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero http://tfl.nu/5voz

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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(732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97

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(914): View more from New York

Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?

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(914): Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later? http://tfl.nu/xxzo

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(512): View more from Texas

There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

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(512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq

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(507): View more from Minnesota

She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...

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(507): She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart... http://tfl.nu/kgd9

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(517): View more from Michigan

found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.

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(517): found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping. http://tfl.nu/l6f0

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(440): View more from Ohio

Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter

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(440): Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter http://tfl.nu/frpq

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(914): View more from New York

say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.

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(914): say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint. http://tfl.nu/783h

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.

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(304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. http://tfl.nu/ltby

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(320): View more from Minnesota

3pm strippers are depressing

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(320): 3pm strippers are depressing http://tfl.nu/w12t

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"

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(780): We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!" http://tfl.nu/le50

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