Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby