Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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