Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
