I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
