Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
