I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
