But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
