every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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