he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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