so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
