I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
