he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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