guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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