I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
