Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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