I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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