; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
