bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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