it was like eating out sand paper
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
