Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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