I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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