my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
