When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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