Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
