So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
