dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
