this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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