I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
