tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
