im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
