I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
