Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I believe in your delicious
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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