I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
