she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
