Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize