his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now