She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .