dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP