i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant