Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(343): View more from Ontario

No awkward lesbian experiences without me

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(343): No awkward lesbian experiences without me http://tfl.nu/e0c3

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?

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(803): I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right? http://tfl.nu/ihkh

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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(775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0

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(813): View more from Florida

she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

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(813): she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons http://tfl.nu/lk3m

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.

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(401): All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it. http://tfl.nu/0ldz

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice

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(608): im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice http://tfl.nu/dly6

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(773): View more from Illinois

Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.

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(773): Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night. http://tfl.nu/pczq

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(256): View more from Alabama

Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.

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(256): Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence. http://tfl.nu/20hw

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(818): View more from California

She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

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(818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50

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(301): View more from Maryland

"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.

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(301): "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there. http://tfl.nu/ru2o

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(892): View more from

YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!

(314): View more from Missouri

Only one tier

(314): View more from Missouri

Tastes like cardboard anyway

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(892): YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?! (314): Only one tier (314): Tastes like cardboard anyway http://tfl.nu/1yl0

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(631): View more from New York

They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !

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(631): They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real ! http://tfl.nu/8frh

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(513): View more from Ohio

hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"

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(513): hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment" http://tfl.nu/qbsp

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(940): View more from Texas

Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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(940): Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits. http://tfl.nu/jw0d

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

That's a hard toss up

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(413): I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver (1-413): That's a hard toss up http://tfl.nu/wcmj

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