I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
time to smoke my breakfast
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation