where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.